Monday, October 31, 2005

Happy Birthday Wanxin!

To one of the sweetest girls in my life...

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you...
Happy Birthday to Wanxin
Happy Birthday to you!

I miss you girl. Sorry, can't be there to celebrate your birthday with you again. :( But I hope you like what you received!!! I chose it. Hee...

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The project is unofficially over!

I am doing this entry using my dearest group mate's laptop. She is such a dear to lend me for a week to complete the programming. And happy to announce that my project is unofficially over! Yes! My dreaded project is over. Why unofficial? Because my client has sign off the project. And after he sign off, I have to reprogram the system so that the client can officially launch it. And call me nuts, I have been playing with programming these days when I'm bored! Can you believe it? AH! BLEAH... It's like... a hobby! GEES...

Introducing my wonderful group members.

Top: Me, Lauren
Sitting: Huifen, Liza and Yin Chin(Janice)

Love you all!!!

Anyway, do feel free to look at the website. The official website is http://www.spyclub.com.au but it's not launch yet.

But you can take a look at it at http://d34575.u26.bottle.com.au/

Oh well, I don't really like this picture because I look like a geek. haa!! But that's the only picture we have together. Oh well. :P GIRLS POWER! :D

You won't be hearing from me for quite sometime. My computer is crashed and I won't have anymore computer to use. So... take care and miss me! I might go to uni to use the computer. (As if I'm so hard working to walk over to use. hehehe...) I will be studying! Call me if you have my aussie number or SMS my SG mobile! ;)

Friday, October 14, 2005

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Wow...

What else can make me feel better than a message from Dearie. I just have to save it somewhere. Nothing where else but an entry on it.

"
Tjun: n u too...
Tjun: Soon mar dearieeee, i am working very hard for our future . I dont have $$$ but determination, conviction and passion are all the things i possess.

"

Here's where random thoughts start:

That's very motivating. We have each other and that's something to work forward too. :)

Dear, I don't have the $$$ too. But we can work for it. The most important thing we have is that money cannot buy. And there's a future so bright for us.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Time to count blessings

I had a bad day yesterday. I was reaching my limits. On the verge of a breakdown/outburst. I only told 3 people (Mom, Dearie and Marcus - Coz you were online and poor you. Haha..) about it. And they were so supportive. Mommy and Dearie were always there for me and comforting me despite the distance. Marcus, yeah, my poly friend who is going to get married next year! Date date!!!

I should start counting my blessings. These wonderful people in my life, despite shitty people who just don't want to make things any easier for me. Maybe I shouldn't think too much at. I keep thinking for other people, but do they ever think about me? Hmmm...

I guess you can tell from my previous entries, I've been having a bad time all along. Made me think about all the things that I didn't achieve in the past and I don't want it to happen when I'm in the uni. I'm now more relax and calm. Able to think properly now. Am going to start polishing up my last assignment. Yes I know I said that I've finished it, but I want to make it better! :) After which I'm going to start on the server and reprogramming. Sighz and ARGH!... Life goes on...

Dearie... and counting down to the days that I'm going to meet you. I'll spare the talks to you on the phone. Hee... You always make my day despite all the downs I had during the day. I guess the song goes... "You light up my life"

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Everyone is marrying!

I'm sitting here in a boring room,
It's just another sunny Sunday morning,
I'm wasting my time I got nothing to do,
I'm hanging around, I'm waiting for you,
But nothing ever happens,
And I wonder...

Haha... Ok, enough of half lyrics of Lemon tree. Gees, such an old song. :p The fact I have a lot to do, it's just early in the day... Just have to solve the server problem.

Right right, back to the topic. I was reading Xiaxue's blog and she mentioned that she attended a wedding. Hmmm... In June, my best cousin got married... Last month, my housemate's best friend got married and the bride is only 23. Hmmm... This Nov, another of my cousin is getting married. Coming January, my poly buddy (yes Kam Kam, I'm refering to you...), is getting married. Gees... Haha... Is this year for a year of marriage? Hee... Oh and Luther and Adeline are engaged! No date set for the bells yet. Hee... Wow wow...

I'm just so excited for everyone! So sad I couldn't attend my both cousins' wedding. Kam! don't worry, I'll attend yours with my other half. :D Luther and Adeline too. That is if I am not furthering my studies during your big day! :D Am still seriously thinking about it. Too lazy to further at the moment. No money too. :S

I just want to congratulate all! Excited and happy... Ah... I don't know why I'm blogging... Just so happen lah. hee... :p

Saturday, October 08, 2005

What on earth am I thinking?

Haiya... Just because of one BIG BIG problem with my server made me think of all those stupid things in the past. I wasn't counting my blessings. :)

I was good in a lot of things back in Secondary school. I was good in Maths. Both A and E maths. I was good in Geography and Science too. But I was too stupid in chinese, history and literature, which pulled everything down. Haha... I guess I hate writing. :P

I was a good student too! I never broke any school rules, except for the day I brought a pager to school for the first time and got caught by my chemistry teacher and I CRIED! HAHA... I was never caught for short skirt, nor late for school nor long nails nor make up, nor hair nor socks, nor shoes. I was the perfect good student but not good enough to be a school prefect because I wasn't intellegent enough and perhaps a lot of other qualities I lack. Haha... I don't care. :)

I won't say that I didn't achieve anything. I won 2 gold swimming interclass awards. A couple of medals from NCC. Went round island canoeing. I had a lot of fun then. Hanging out with my NCC buddies, doing crap with my classmates. I wasn't popular nor vocal in sec 1 and 2. Things were starting to heat up in Sec 3 and I guess I got more popular in Sec 4. In Sec 4, I guess I was the girl who everyone refered to as "The girl who played the piano piece on Teacher's day". The song I played was "Power of Love" by Celion Dion. I remembered my class stood up from the group and gave a big applause. I was embarrassed, shy, happy. All sort of mixed feelings. I even heard that Miss Kim, yes, the discipline mistress then, cried. A few other teachers were touched too, especially the ones who taught me. Miss Sie Siok Hui and Miss Sie Ha Wai had many praises for me. I was happy. It seemed that day that every teacher in the staff room wanted to know who is that mysterious girl. Haha... I didn't make that fact out. It was Miss Sie who told me. I was shy and happy but reminded quiet about the whole event. At least, I made my teachers felt special that day.

Ok, the other thing was I came back as a CLT right? Well, I guess it wasn't about me trying to achieve something for myself. It was about helping out and feeling good. Though no awards etc... But I felt happy that there were people around me, fellow CLTs and cadets who came up to me and tell me things that I was good then. I may not have done everything that pleases everyone, then again, I can't please everyone. During camps, I can only protect my girls from getting bullied by CLTs internally. Did my best to help my girls and whoever was under me get through whatever course they went. I really apologise for not going for all the camps, projects didn't allow me to. And I felt worse when a good cadet out of no where got a 3rd SGT for nothing. There was nothing I could do about that since I wasn't in the camp, not my authority to do so. There were so many things I wanted to do, but I couldn't. Sometimes I want to come back as an officer and make things right. The way it should be. But I'm so out of it now, yet there's so much of me still thinking about NCC.

It's been so long since I left NCC and yet I remember quite a number of details. The old me hasn't quite left it yet. I guess it's time for a reunion with everyone. Past is the Past... Like Marie said, no point dwelling on the past.

I must admit that I'm in a better mood today. Finished my last assignment for the semester. And NO, I do not feel any more relaxed. I'm having headaches. I still haven't solve my server problem. BIG MAJOR HEADACHE.

Oh, I am still counting what I'm good at. :D Which is more to come! Maybe you can tell me what I'm good at. ;)

Friday, October 07, 2005

Nightmares

My worst nightmare is here. I don't know how to upload my website onto the server. Stressed. Bursting with nervousness, fear, and into tears. :(

Thursday, October 06, 2005

I don't know what title to put in here. I just feel like shit. I always seems like a happy person. I always let go of unhappy things, thinking that there will be better things for me to achieve.

Since secondary school, I have been working hard to achieve things that I want. I joined the NCC and rhymic gym in secondary 1. As a cadet in the NCC, it's every cadets dream to get the best recruit award. I did my best in everything. Although I didn't win the award, I was still very happy for my good friend who got it. I admit I was jealous, who won't be right? But neverthe less I was happy for her. It was kinda expected. At least in secondary one, I represented the school in the air rifle competition. We didn't do as well as we wanted, I still do my best and was the only one from my school to get the top 10 placing. No one really came to congratulate me except for my teacher in charge. Maybe they did, probably at that state, no one was in the mood for celebration. We came in 4th as a team. I really dont care about this now. It's over. Just stating a sad fact.

Secondary 2 was another time I got a chance to represent the school in orienteering competition. My partner and I were always getting full marks during practices. We were really please with ourselves. But for some reason, my partner fell sick. I was almost immediately chucked aside, forgetting that I could do the orienteering well. We didn't win that year. I was most upset. I know I wasn't a promising cadet, but I could contribute in something that I could do some glory. But no one see in my year, but perhaps my seniors. That year on, I was quite sure that I wasn't achieving things that I deserve. I started to slack, but not too much. My studies didn't go well either. But one thing for sure, I was talented in Maths. Without trying, I remembered I still scored well in them. Unfortunately, a saddening event took place before the exams and I just couldn't concentrate on my exams and a decision to redo that year was made. That perhaps the reason why I didn't get a good rank as well. Another sad fact. Nevertheless, I was happy that I had good friends around.

After secondary school, I came back as a cadet lieutenant to pass on the knowledge that I had which was failed to be used by me in some way. With the authority I had, I tried to help as much as I can, be listening ear whenever possible too. Seeing cadets growing made me happy. I served NCC for quite a long time. Maybe one of the longest serving CLTs. But I never got my gold award, I never got my recognision award. I was sad. But at least I think my cadets learnt something from me. I hope. Most of them don't address me by mdm anymore. We've all outgrown them. But I guess it's nice if someone remembers you and respect you as a mdm. Perhaps I'm just thinking too much... More sad facts but I don't care about it.

What's upseting most now, is... my life now I guess. The real reason I'm writing this blog. It seems that the effort I put in in my life, never gets appreciated. I don't seem to be able to do the things I enjoy.

Eg, I just finished my final presentation on Monday, and yes I know I have 1 more assignment due. But I really wanted to have some time with my groupmates. All we did was have dinner and went over to my place to place Xbox. Who knew I would get sick? No one right? But I was dimmed as someone who was playful... I shouldn't have done what I did. And that's why I got sick. Moreover I have another assignment to do.

I love to do a lot of things. But I just don't think I can do them! Dance... I need people to dance with me, who is going to dance with me now? Piano, my family thinks that I'm making noise. It seems like the things I love doing, I have to give them up? Sighz, I'm just feeling too upset at the moment. Sighz............ Maybe I'm not in the right state of mind now.

I just wish that there's a fairy godmother to make things happily ever after for me. Or santa clause to make things better. I have been a good girl. I have been doing my assignments and programming. Pls make me feel that I'm appreciated.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Everything's wrong...

Everything went today...

I fell sick. As if I know I was going to fall sick today. Having a flu now. Got a BIG NAGGING from my mom because I went out for dinner last night with my group mates after our final presentation on Monday. It's like I cannot go out for dinner? I didn't even go anywhere else. We came to my place after dinner. Is that wrong too? We didn't even go and chill. What's the problem with that? I don't understand at all. And now I'm sick just because I went for dinner last night and not resting? GEES! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Not only that, it's like I'm doing everything wrong... Even some people agree with my mom.
Fine. I will sleep at 10pm tonight. I'm sick. I got a flu. I'm tired.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

I lost an ex poly classmate

Yes, a cheeky boy named Alvin Leow, who is loved by his classmates, who is always joking around and cracking jokes is diagnosed with brain tumour and is brain dead. No one knows how did it happened. I'm totally upset by the news but there is nothing I can do. I'm almost in tears but I cannot do that! If not I can't save myself from the projects that are going to be dued!

On the other hand, I'm totally stressed up with completing my programming. So close to debugging the bugs but yet can't complete it. It's an industrial project just in case you don't know. It's suppose to be workable and usable for everyone to use. It's an ecommerce website.

And I got another research paper due on Monday. The same day as the above project is up for its final presentation. Stressedddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd... :(

I guess that explains why I haven't been blogging. Luckily Mom is here to keep me company. So happy that she is here to give me her support.

Will blog soon with I'm free.