Monday, February 14, 2005

St. Valentine's Day

Lets see... I had a project presentation this morning. Thank goodness all went well. Thanx to my dearie's help. He helped us a heap. I really appreciate it. I've also handed our group documentatio today as well. That's like a lot of things off my shoulders.

Haha.. Just a little stupid joke about my group. I had such a hard time trying to edit everyone's work. Hehe.. Just because of the way they express their language in their documentation. Hehe.. Don't mean to be mean, but sometimes when you are not savvy in English(for eg.), when you write, you will be translating your master language to your weaker language. Know what I mean? Like when I speak or write chinese sometimes, I would think it in English and directly translate to Chinese. Hehe.. All the grammer will be wrong.

I've been feeling so pressure from both group and others. And my house is in such a mess. Sometimes I think I feel like a housewife. I truely knows how my mother feels. Coming home, then have to wash clothes and cook meals. I really love my mom. Coming overseas made me appreciate my parents, and I really love them very much. I don't know how to thank them for bringing up so far.

Oh well, today is valentine's day. I don't know what I'm feeling. I don't know how to express myself. I feel as if something is oppressing me from saying how I feel for someone. Is it just another day? Or maybe everyday is Valentine's day. If you love someone, I guess everyday is valentine's day right? You will shower them with love, emotions, do things for them, torlerate their nonsense etc... I'm just wondering how much patience do I have left in myself. Or maybe I'm just being too nice? Or maybe I just feel that I'm not good enough for anyone to express how I feel for them? Maybe I just lost all my confidence in whatever I do. I no longer have that kind of energy/confidence that I had when I was in Secondary school or Polytechnic.

I don't know what has gotten into me. But I wish I can speed up my Bachelor's degree and hurry back home where all my friends and those who loves me are. I miss all my friends, I miss my ex hobby-salsa dancing, I miss so many things back home. It's like a torture here in Melbourne. I need to get out of here fast before I go mad.

I do have nice friends here. But maybe somethings are just not the way I expect them to be. Or maybe I am having too high expectations of certain things? Or maybe I just cannot be bothered with the happening things around me. I don't mean I'm saying my friends in Melbourne are not nice. They are really one of the nicest people I know. Maybe it's just some other factor which is making me feel so down and demoralising about myself. Maybe it's not a maybe.. It's definitely that that factor is pushing me down to my limits. Am still trying to hold my head up high. I need to breathe.

Well, I hope this evening would be a memorable one. I hope that everything would be rosy. I hope that nothing is going to bring me to tears. I just hope I can be happy.

Friday, February 11, 2005

CNY in Melbourne...

Sigh... I have so much to say but I don't know how to say it here. Well, I had a reunion dinner with bf. He cooked chilli crab, abalone soup and veggies. Then he played Halo and we had a romantic time at home.

Our house is still in a mess. Sighz, really no chinese new year sprit here. I must say that this Chinese New Year is the most depressing one for me. I can't seem to get over what happened yet. It happened not too long ago, and I'm constantly being reminded of it indirectly. I'm such a dumbass. I can't concentrate and contribute to my project team 100%. What the F*** am I doing???? I'm not like that normally. To make things worse, I'm the team leader too. What the hell am I doing... I'm suppose to be studying and enjoying myself.

Well, on CNY, I had lessons! So interesting eh? haha... Anyway, after lessons, we just couldn't get out of our stupid project. Anyway, we tried to make it a little merrier by going out with my project group mates. I mean, it was nice having a meal with them. Oh.. Did I mention that we didn't have lunch? We had lunch cum dinner. LOLz... We're so busy until we got no time to eat! Sheesh... We had roast pork, pork ribs, veggies and claypot. Not bad...

Hai, as you can see, I have no mood to write my blog proper. Forgive me. I'm now currently working on my project which is giving me so much problem. Sighz.... Oh well, adious for now. :S

Friday, February 04, 2005

My little heart is sad, broken and sore...

Well, for all my friends in Singapore who heard about the thunderstorms in Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane, Ok.......... I have no idea that there was a storm. I don't have a TV in my new house. The uni haven't been selling the newspaper cards for free newspapers everyday. Oh well, so I'm pretty out of touch of the latest news. But I can tell you that the latest news for me here in Melbourne.

I have officially moved to my new house. It's a double story town house. Staying with my boyfriend in the same room. But our room is still in a mess coz I don't have time to pack my stuff. The weather has been freaky and been raining non-stop. The weather feels like spring. No, spring is not warm at all. It's cold and wet. Forgive me if I haven't been able to chat with any of you guys online. That's because I don't have a phone connection and no Internet access. At the moment, I'm using the uni's lab to access my emails and blogging and if you guys are online, I will be on web messenger.

Maybe some of you are wondering why my title is that? Well, I'm feeling that. I'm so vexed up and having so many mixed feelings. I love my boyfriend so much. But there are somethings that I don't know. He was so honest that I become so hurt. I really don't know what I have done to deserve this. I'm told to wait for a year and he will come and look for me in Singapore. And during this year, he wants to make more "friends".

I'm totally messed up. I want to finish my Bachelor ASAP. I want to get out of Melbourne soon. I cannot stand the weather here. I cannot stand the life here. I miss my mother. I miss my father. I miss my friends who are ever so faithful to me during times of trouble. I always feel myself always in tears. I'm living in pain. My heart is totally sore and hurt.

I'm just wondering if there is anything wrong with me? Am I petty? Am I too possesive? Am I too not good enough? Or maybe I'm fat, ugly and short. Or maybe........... I'm just another dumbass girl....

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

It's a freaking 16 degrees in Summer~!

Sheesh, the weather is totally bad I tell you. It was a hot and dry 29 degrees yesterday afternoon but in the evening to started to turn cold. Like winter during the day.

And today, it rained!!!!!! It's a freak 16 degress now man! Sheesh, is this the left over of winter? Oh my gosh... It's such a bad weather. Anyway, I'm the newly appointed team leader in my project. Sheesh.. I have no idea why I was appointed that. I shall try to accept it with grace. :S Hmmmm....

Anyway, yesterday was like a pig out day. Soumya, Aaron, Janice, Robin and I went to Chapel Street for dinner. My gosh, we had 2 pastas, one in cream and the other in tomato, and a BBQ chicken pizza. Hahahaha.... After which we head of to Acland Street at St Kilda's for cakes. Sheesh.. Hahaha.. oops.. and we starting to gossips about everything you can think of under the cold cold night. :S

Oh well, I'm getting hungry now. Will not blog for sometime until I get my internet installed in my new home. Cheerios everyone!