Sunday, May 08, 2005

I don't know what I'm feeling...

I don't know whether to give a sigh of relief or give a panick face.

I feel so much better in a way that I have finish my programming and got nothing to think about. Not like I'm having depression or anything. But I am feeling kinda pissed that my partner who is suppose to do the assignment with me. Girl, not that I don't like you, but I can can state the number of reasons.
  1. I can't contact you. Phone, no one answers. MSN, always away. It's you who contacts me, which is almost quite last min. Just the day before the assignment due and I was still teaching. My heart is OMG. Sorry...
  2. Always keep me updated of your progress. You know I know how do the programming. Don't keep me waiting and end up I did the assignment all by myself. Tell you frankly, I didn't sleep or eat for the past few days just because I was sitting infront of my computer and completing your part.
  3. I started to think rubbish because I didn't feel good about anything. I was panicking and wondering if we can finish the assignment on time. Many times, yeah, my msn nick will tell you my feel though I don't show it.
  4. Yeah, my bf and I do quarrels, but quarrels are common. Yeah, though he says things for fun, but given my situation, I will be really sensitive and start to think rubbish.
  5. Your friend may not have started the assignment, but that's his lost. I don't want to be penalised for something which I didn't do. I want to get a distinction. I want to make my parents proud and that their money is worth sending me to Monash to study.

But I hope that if you read this, do not think that I don't want to work with you. I do. Coz I have seen you were so working hard for the summer course. Pls do not leave me alone and hopeless like this assignment. You know we are late. But luckily, I've emailed our tutor and she was so nice to let me hand in yesterday. But the building to her pigeon hole was locked at four corners. I emailed her again, and she said she knows and asked me to hand in on Monday morning. Sighz. You have no idea how I'm feeling.

I did not sleep much on Thursday night. Just to try to complete as much as I can. But I realised that I cannot do what I wanted to do. So I had to just make do of what appears to be simple but not as what I wanted it to be. I did not sleep on Friday night. I skipped lecture even just to try to complete. I was desperate like a crazy woman. I felt like crying. And you know Friday's lecture was on ASP.NET. I really wanted to go for it. But I can't. And you know it was a night lecture. You have no idea what time I woke up on Friday morning. And what time I slept. Lets see my timing.

Wednesday: I was really full force for the assignment. I did have other assignments to do then, and I still did finish my part. Only at night, my IE groupmates called for help. And you know what? I told my IE group not to disturb me about IE things because I wanted to finish up the assignment. I could only do that if I had finish my part for IE. And I did. Way before hand. But that night they called for help because they wanted me to write the executive summary and introduction. Though, they find that it was quite a task to do, quite long, they even wanted to do half for me. But, if you know me, I do documentation very fast. I finished those in an hour. And I continued programming till 6am in the morning.

Thurs morning: Had IE supervisor meeting at 9am. Then reached home, had lunch and started PHP all the way. And that night you came over to learn how to do the PHP, templates. My heart was sunken because you haven't even complete one part. And the assignment was due on Friday 5pm.

Friday morning: 9am I was up. And went to bathe and continued. You know I was really worried that I cannot finish it up on time. I knew you couldn't do the assignment. I tried to call you and ask you what do you want to do, but there was no answer, no reply. You were uncontactable. I had no choice but to keep working infront of my computer non-stop. Didn't stop till 10pm when I felt really hungry. But I had my instant noodles infront of me while thinking of some logic. Finished the noodles and continued typing until 4am. I just didn't stop working. My bf who has been working on his assignment and sleeps at 4am in the morning, said he was done for the day, and I was still continuing the assignment. And I was stuck a little. He helped a little but it didn't work. We keep trying this small little thing till 6am in the morning. We just fell asleep, but I didn't sleep well. I woke up at 8am to continue everything. I didn't bathe, I didn't eat breakfast. I continue working past lunch. and at 1pm, I finally completed my programming. Bf left for school at 2pm. I stayed to continue working on the documentation. Then you msged me on msn, saying you have fallen asleep when I msged you on MSN. And that was at 2.40am? How about when I msged you at 10pm? You said you were trying to work on the assignment till morning? You know... There's something not right.

Never mind, this assignment is over already anyway. Just don't do it the next time. I'm fine now. I just need a lot of sleep. Clean my house and room which I have ignored for so long...

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