Friday, March 11, 2005

Good for nothing...

I don't know what my good friends tell me. But I feel as if I'm really growing uglier and uglier everyday. I often wonder why...

I cleanse my face every morning and night, after which, I use toner and apply moisturiser. Then use eye cream for my eyes and rose hip oil to help rid of the scars. But why don't the conditions of my face improve? Do I really have to go surgery? Or should I go for plastic surgery?

I'm absolutely depressed. I feel like eating chocolates everyday. But I can't, I'm too fat.

First time in my life, people told another person that I'm ugly. I'm so... Have no confidence now. I don't know if I should go out and face those people. I wish I don't them, then I don't have to go out without feeling weird and painful that they said that I was ugly. Or maybe I just look normal.

There's nothing of me that's attractive. I'm so totally depresesd. Am I such a loser that I don't know anything about beauty? All I know is to clean my face everyday. Ok, I don't have pimples. But the scars and the multiple eye lids. I'm just so depressed. :( Sometimes I wish I don't exist. I'm such an imperfect person.

I have ecezma, scar face since after my chicken pox, multiple eyelids started from don't know when, which I don't remember having when I was in secondary school or junior college. And those dark eye rings.... Sighz... Am I aging fast? Sometimes I feel as if I fail as a girlfriend, I failed to beautify myself for my love. I really tried. I'm sad, I cry, I'm depressed.

Why life is so unfair to me? I don't deserve to have a scar face, I don't deserve those multiple eyelid at this time. I use to remember that people envy my eyes. I have nice eyelids and eye lash. But why.. What have I done? I just want to be like any girl, to be scarless, nice eyes, no ecezma... and my weight? Walking seems to be taking effect very slowly. Maybe I should just go for liposuction. Maybe I should just go and die... My parents are not even fat.

I got scolding yesterday too. For being the most stupid girl. I washed the laundry last weekend, and the clothes were only dry yesterday. Why? How I know why. The stupid weather is always cold and rainy. Wet our clothes a few times too. Sighz, but it still took one week. Maybe I'm really stupid.

I'm probably the worst cook ever too. I can't cook for nuts. Whatever I cook is always not nice and I always cook so much. Even if I have halfed the portions of veggies and meat. Ok. Nvm... I should just admit that I'm good at nothing....

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