Monday, February 14, 2005

St. Valentine's Day

Lets see... I had a project presentation this morning. Thank goodness all went well. Thanx to my dearie's help. He helped us a heap. I really appreciate it. I've also handed our group documentatio today as well. That's like a lot of things off my shoulders.

Haha.. Just a little stupid joke about my group. I had such a hard time trying to edit everyone's work. Hehe.. Just because of the way they express their language in their documentation. Hehe.. Don't mean to be mean, but sometimes when you are not savvy in English(for eg.), when you write, you will be translating your master language to your weaker language. Know what I mean? Like when I speak or write chinese sometimes, I would think it in English and directly translate to Chinese. Hehe.. All the grammer will be wrong.

I've been feeling so pressure from both group and others. And my house is in such a mess. Sometimes I think I feel like a housewife. I truely knows how my mother feels. Coming home, then have to wash clothes and cook meals. I really love my mom. Coming overseas made me appreciate my parents, and I really love them very much. I don't know how to thank them for bringing up so far.

Oh well, today is valentine's day. I don't know what I'm feeling. I don't know how to express myself. I feel as if something is oppressing me from saying how I feel for someone. Is it just another day? Or maybe everyday is Valentine's day. If you love someone, I guess everyday is valentine's day right? You will shower them with love, emotions, do things for them, torlerate their nonsense etc... I'm just wondering how much patience do I have left in myself. Or maybe I'm just being too nice? Or maybe I just feel that I'm not good enough for anyone to express how I feel for them? Maybe I just lost all my confidence in whatever I do. I no longer have that kind of energy/confidence that I had when I was in Secondary school or Polytechnic.

I don't know what has gotten into me. But I wish I can speed up my Bachelor's degree and hurry back home where all my friends and those who loves me are. I miss all my friends, I miss my ex hobby-salsa dancing, I miss so many things back home. It's like a torture here in Melbourne. I need to get out of here fast before I go mad.

I do have nice friends here. But maybe somethings are just not the way I expect them to be. Or maybe I am having too high expectations of certain things? Or maybe I just cannot be bothered with the happening things around me. I don't mean I'm saying my friends in Melbourne are not nice. They are really one of the nicest people I know. Maybe it's just some other factor which is making me feel so down and demoralising about myself. Maybe it's not a maybe.. It's definitely that that factor is pushing me down to my limits. Am still trying to hold my head up high. I need to breathe.

Well, I hope this evening would be a memorable one. I hope that everything would be rosy. I hope that nothing is going to bring me to tears. I just hope I can be happy.

1 comment:

pinkybabe said...

whatever chin said i agreee... in the comment box... have yet to hear and update from you about it...