Sunday, December 12, 2004

Fed up... Vexed...

Ok... Today was a happy day for Luther, Adeline and the rest who went to the surprise birthday party. Am glad and happy about that. Another happy thing was that my mom learnt how to make strawberry cheese cake from me. But deep inside me, there's a lot of trouble rolling in my mind and heart.

Trouble number 1:
I think I haven't been salsaing for a long time. I have de-proved so much. I feel like I'm not part of the salsa group anymore. As much as I tried to brush up, I even took beginner again in Monash just to get a different technique of dancing. What did I learn at the end of the day? Nothing. I danced with total beginners, and ended up dancing like a beginner who is better at dancing. I wanted to teach my friends salsa, at least, when I teach someone, I get to develop some technique while teaching. But I didn't get to do so because of time constrain.

When I'm back on the dance floor in Nov, I'm just told that I haven't rust much. Ok... Then later after extracting my wisdom teeth, I danced less too. I don't wanna injure myself while dancing. There's a small possibility of getting injure, but neh, I won't take the risk. Then I'm also told by another friend that I have rusted quite badly too. My steps are too heavy for the guys to lead me. He's probably right too, coz I noticed that by the time I get the guy's lead, I cannot execute the steps in time/properly. I'm a little demoralised by looking at new comers who have been in the dancing scene less than me are much better and perhaps more beautiful than me too. I feel like... To a point where I feel like giving up sometimes. Perhaps also giving up for studies. Like what I did to my piano. I gave it up for studies.

Trouble number 2:
Most of you know about my long awaited KL trip. My best friend agreed to go KL with me and then she expect my boyfriend to pay for her accomodation. The thing is that she didn't say until after we bought the tickets, which makes me very vulnerable for her to back out because I paid for the tickets and she hasn't pay me.

Then I tried to look for cheap hotels. To save money for all 4 of us who are going to KL. Then she somemore can tell me don't need to get so cheap one, because she is not so "LOK KOK" But she not paying somemore. She instead on not paying. Then I'm just thinking then why she even bother to agree with me about going to KL? I need her to go with me now, coz I don't want her to back out. I want my money too you know. Sighz...

Yeah, I did ask her to go with me. But she don't have to agree to go if she got no money. Even with 4 people sharing one hotel room, she don't wanna pay.

My purpose of going KL is to visit bf and to have fun as in holiday. She was the one who suggested when I was in Melbourne that we could go to KL for hols and also at the same time visit bf. But now, I'm just soooo...

And now she managed to get her cousin to let us stay in his house for free. And my bf don't wanna stay with us coz he say it's so weird. His house is in KL mah. Sighz.... I keep getting the feeling from her that, "Wah, you go visit bf then will dumb her aside." But I ain't that kind of person. Sigh, but that's not the point. My ideal purpose is to go out have fun together.

Then I also have another friend coming with us also. coz he wanted to go KL for holiday for a long time already but my this friend and best friend dont know each other.

The situation like so difficult. We booked the hotel already. Only after booking then my best friend managed to get her cousin to let us stay in his house for free then now bf don't wanan stay together at all.. initially, 4 of us, bf, me, my friend and best friend share one room and I'm prepared to pay for best friend's hotel share somemore. Then now, since we don't want hotel already, she expect bf to pay for her meals. I just feel very fed up. Meals so cheap she also don't want to pay. And obviously I don't want bf to pay for her, I don't mind paying for her.

Moreover, we've bought the ticket to go KL already if she don't go, the ticket is wasted. And I paid for the ticket somemore and she haven't pay me back. The situation is the most difficult for me. I called bf just now, he's like quite fed up also, everytime change here change there. The most paiseh thing is that it's his father who went through all the trouble to book the hotel for us. He went to all the hotels in KL just to find a suitable price rooms. Unfortunately all the hotels are fully booked, even the not so popular ones. Only managed to get Park Royal hotel, which I think it's a 4/5 star hotel. Sighz. It was the best his dad could get for me.

No point talking to her about the problem, she will just say that she will back out of the trip then she haven't pay me. I can't like ask her to pay first, she just comment that she don't have the money now. I'm so vexed.

Then just now bf said, he might as well spend time with his friends, coz now we're going to stay at her cousin's house for free right? I can't force him to do things that he don't want to do.

What's making it hard for me now is that my best friend got another older cousin also in KL, who wants to bring us out for a meal one of the days during our stay and the cousin who's house we're staying might bring us out for a meal too. It's really nice of them. But Bf hear already, like he was the one who was suppose to bring us out. but... then he said "then maybe he should spend time with his friends" I was hurt. But I can't do anything. I feel so helpless. There's nothing anyone can do anything too. then now is that I dont know when the cousins is going to bring us out. then I also cannot tell bf... hai......... No plans no nothing...

We will be in KL from 24-26 Dec and I was hoping to spend Xmas together. As 24 dec, bf will pick us up then go for lunch together. Then he asked me, what am I going to do on the 25. I said I hope to meet him. Then he replied, 24 we're meeting already what. OMG.

I really feel bad, coz his dad went through a lot of trouble to get the hotel for me. Because of me he had to do this. Sighz... I feel like I've given his parents a bad impression.

What to do.......................

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