Well, I don't know what title to put for this blog. I'm really hurt by what happened last night. I'm losing my concentration here. Tjun finally cleared my doubt about why he created another account of friendster. I'm really shattered. Will not state why here. It's too personal. Why does my relationship always hurt me? Is there something wrong with me? Am I not good enough for my guy?
My first boyfriend dumped me because he said that the long distance relationship was not working for him. Saying that it's difficult and all. And I really gave him so much freedom, I don't expect him to call me everyday, just chatting online is good enough. And I even allowed him to join ballroom dancing. What more can you ask of a girlfriend? I can say that he found another girl in Aussie then. Kept saying that it was not a third party... Anyway, he failed the "BIG" test. Well, he said that it's a big test for the both of us. Well, he failed it big time. I was really hurt, I put so much into the relationship and it ends up this way. I remember crying for a month. We never contact since. And I don't wish to either. I have no feelings for him anymore. They say that first love is the one that stays, for me, this one is DEAD.
Second boyfriend was quite nice. Except for who I am, but we broke up after 5 months. I didn't cry, though very sad. Even after the break up, we were still acting like couples which I HATED. I so longed to come Melbourne and throw the past behind. And we're still friends now. He talks about times when we were together, and I felt really akward. I don't like to talk about the past. And when I asked what was our status, he just don't answer me at all. And now when I'm in Melbourne, he's like saying things like "Why don't we get engaged when you're back?" and "What would your parents think if we get engaged?". Yeah, he did say before that he still loves me. But when I needed the answer from him the last time, he didn't even answer me. What the F*** is going on to my world? Why is it so complicated?
And now, my boyfriend... I don't know what to say. Wanting to tackle another girl back home? I'm putting so much effort into this relationship. Can't you see? I really love him a lot. Well, it grew from a like to love now. Only 2 months, yeah.. but we see each other everyday. Don't expect things don't happen.
Can someone just tell me what's wrong with me? Am I not good enough? I cook for my guy, cleaned his room, make sure that he don't starve. Gives him his comfort. Ok.. fine, I'm fat.. So? If you think my fatness bother you, then don't bother about me being your girl. Get the idea? I'm already trying to lose weight here. And losing weight doesn't happen overnight. It's hard to lose weight here... It just hard, I need a breather...